Thursday, July 27, 2006

Aisa Kaisa Waisa part 2:

Ha ha


So you think this is an open door, for you to swing in and out of?

You come back here with your angel-faced quiet smile, fair hair and green eyes. Catlike. You creep in. You storm in. You plead in. You don’t care how, but you want in. It’s never mattered has it, that the fucking door has hinges that might need oiling?

The door is shut. Sorry sir. The door is shut. Temporarily out of service.

The door is shut.

But you don’t need to break it down do you? You think it’ll crumble anyway.

Bastard, he calls himself.

The loving bastard.

Knock knock

Open up bitch. I’ll bust your head if you don’t. I’ll bust your head anyway.

Shut your face bitch, or I’ll shut it for you.

Mummy. Why does this man hit you?
Mummy we don’t like this man.

Mummy, wake up…

Hush baby hush
Don’t say a word
Mama’s going to buy you
A mockingbird.
If the mockingbird don’t sing…
Then daddy’s going to bust mummy
Cause the fucking kids won’t shut up.



Say hello

Or say goodbye. Don’t just stand there. Silently.

Don’t go about your business like I don’t exist. I’ve made you your tea, washed your clothes, cooked your dinner for the last thirty-three years. We have children together, for god’s sake.

I’ve waited for you nights, sleepless and drained with fear; till the door would click open and I could shut my eyes finally. I’ve kept daylong fasts for you. No food no water. Not till I beheld your face through a silver sieve.

I’ve prayed for you. I’ve loved you. Perhaps… perhaps I still do.

Don’t just sit there quietly.
Say something.

Or say goodbye.


n.g. said...

watching the clock its 4 oclock
its got to stop
tell him
take no more
she practices her speech
as he opens the door
she rolls over
pretends to sleep
as he looks her over

she lies and says she's in love with him
cant find a better man
she dreams in colour
she dreams in red
cant find a better man.

the abuse is not enough to remind her of the time she made that all destructive mistake of loving him for the wrong reasons. or were they the right reasons that went wrong. who's to know.

the mind's a funny thing to rely on. so is the heart. maybe both of them in tandem could do the trick. maybe its prudent to disassociate rationale from the past, because it takes emotion away from the future. and put together, the two evils fuck up the present.

everyone's present.

n.g. said...

and everyone's waiting.

Mi said...

She loves him and she cries, she hates to love him, but she does... and he, knows. If only there was an explanation, if only there was a reason, if only she could express, if only she could help, if only emotions were defined, if only...

Excellent writing. Communicates it all.

H said...

i don't know. it's in the head perhaps. perhaps.

perhaps it's meant.

the idiot heart meanwhile, keeps slipping.

there are reasons, there are explanations. but they aren't what she's willing to put her ears to. she'll hear them, but she won't understand.

I'm proud of my friend K for saying to him, it's enough. pack your bags and leave my head.

Mi will too some day. and then she'll look up and see the other colours in the rainbow.

[she assumes, she presumes... but she isn't too far she thinks]

H said...

... and then everyone can stop waiting.

Ben Ditty said...

I'm happy she got out.