So let’s talk about me. [Yay for you]
1.) I sort of sometimes like me a lot. At moments like these I am invariably overcome with a great tide of goodwill and gratitude for this most fortuitous [which is obviously word-of-the-week in these parts] and everlasting bond that me & I share. And the thought often crosses my mind that, oh my God if I wasn’t me I’d totally crush on me [if I were a bwoy] or be my bestest friend ever. I’ll confess that I even steal a few admiring glances at me in the bathroom. I can’t believe then that me and I are the same person!
2.) I sort of sometimes really dislike me. At moments like these I am wont to think, damn, if I wasn’t me, I’d totally kick my arse. At such times I cannot help but the rue the misfortune of having to spend the rest of my life with me. I also can’t understand then how me and I are the same person.
3.) I dislike shopping. Especially for clothes. And super-especially for me. I get tired. And when I’m tired, I’m not pleasant, because I snap. And I get crotchety. And I snarl. And I frighten away the people standing in queue for the changing room. Sometimes I just drop to the shop floor and throw my limbs about in a gigantic tantrum. The last shop I went to put up a poster. With my picture on it. I am now a local celebrity. I also don’t have many [new] clothes.
4.) I like shopping for shoes. But because I’m so picky, I get totally pissed off halfway through. Rephrase: But because I’m so pissy, I get totally piqued halfway through. [nice inverted something, na?] I don’t have many shoes either.
5.) I’m phenomenally, superlatively impoverished in the motivation department. I cannot be bothered to do ANYTHING. [this list is an act of extreme courage, inspired of course by a deep and abiding sense of self-admiration]
6.) Apparently I talk in my sleep. A lot. However, despite being my spokesperson, I really am in no position to verify this, so I’ll suggest you take it with a pincho’. As I do.
7.) I don’t particularly like the number 8 [but it really isn’t as bad as 4, so I can tolerate it] and I really really like the number 7 [almost as much as Iove 9, though not quite nearly as much] so I’m cutting this list down from 8, to 7.
And now darlings, if you’re smart you’ll never ask me to give you more dirt on me; because though I’m nice and all, really, we’ve had enough about me around here, na?