Monday, March 05, 2007

The Poet

A depressed being on the verge of suicide once wrote a poem about its life and discovered it had penned a masterpiece. It decided to sell the poem to a wandering poet on the internet, before pulling the plug on itself. So with its last ten rupees it went to a cybercafé and trawled the net for an hour. Unfortunately after one soul searing hour it chanced upon Shout. It was tempted to kill itself right then for this final failure. But then seeing as it was that Fate had rebuffed even this last attempt at a dignified exit, its curiosity overtook it and it decided to pursue this mad, last fling of a thought.

It thought to itself in an elaborately constructed ponder, “It really isn’t tough to find a poet these days, given high speed broadband connectivity and billions of eager minds across the globe that are absolutely straining to express their unique creative outpourings. And yet in my final hour this is what I chance upon? Seeing as I have found something that so defiantly and vehemently refuses to adhere to any remote connotation of ‘poetry’ or ‘prose’, there must be something in this singularly distressing misuse of free web publishing. Perhaps this is my chance to improve the quality of something in this world. The Lord be praised! I have found a purpose!!!” And with this last thought resounding like twenty million gongs in the Tibetan valley, it approached me, not without some disdain.

To cut the long of it much shorter it convinced me to publish its poem.

So here it is. It by IT. I, humbly, am just the instrument, one post richer for a sorry It’s pointless poetic ponderings within self conscious walls. [this last illustrious phrase was penned by It, as a befitting foreword].

And now, Shout Presents…



Am I a blackhole?

This silence sucks.


You are
a poet
my arse
apt as a flaming verb stuck in the sphincter
Nowhere to go but an endless fucking shit hole, up or down.

[this last is for the author of this site, as thanks – for the space & the perspective] – signed, It.


houseband00 said...

Am reading between effin' lines, cyber-sis!


Lizza said...

Okay, now you--IT!--got me all confused. Marvelous piece of writing as always, but I'm still confused.

We have got to talk.

H said...

HB: WTF? tut tut. Arcane's really gotto be spanked for spreading WTF. :-D But, pray tell us what you're reading 'tween the effin lines!

Lizza: Thankee. Since no one's paying me to write, I thought I'd take on dodgy C-grade Producer deals. Sigh. 'tis a tough life. But yes, let's talk, over some earl grey.
[PS: was the 'marvellous' for the preamble or was it for It's questionable poem?]

pRicky said...

i am very hungry!!!
now lot of people who say they know me say they think that i eat way too much and that i am hungry wayu too often and that my tummy is a huge joke on the sensibilities of the human consumption of food...
now categorically even if we figured and then unfigured the atrocities of being hungry every 15minutes after i consume food...
we dont get to anything remotely
i rant
i ponder
then again I am hungry...
do u cook??
the continuity of insanity is under threat
and i am hungry and yes i am equated to a black hole...
and i am slightly curious is ur ass flaming with a verb in the sphincter??
and u need to absolutely yell in the pricksters fiefdom...
a yell forum is now set up!!!
and u have been informed and for some vague reason i seemed to have posted in the comment space of ur blog...
apologies dearest h...
and it is intresting to think how silence would suck and to what satisfaction...hmmmm

B Ditty said...

woah this was posted at 1:00 pm, it's only 12:30 though...time zones amaze me. But anyways, no one can be a blackhole or they'd destroy everything around them

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

LMAO LMAO LMAO!!! 'It' it seems. :P

Oooh... A lasting impression I leaveth. WTF, it seems. Heh. :D

Read this. Nothing beats this.

H said...

Pricky you are a certified food-hoover. Very clearly, anyone who eats like that goes down well in my book. Because I eat like a bastard too. But then I also have the fine grace of an overindulgent hippo. I complain after eating. Do you do that? Consumption is measured not only in literal food-per-metric-tonnes terms but also in the amount of airwave space, brain space and patience you SUCK out of people. Grin. I think we know who the clear winner is here as far as blackholes go.

And yes I cook. Does that make me more desirable? The cooking hippo finds online match in much younger but eminently eligible food-hoover.

Ben, that’s true. Their focal point of existence is to suck. And they do. Blackholes suck. Damn. I’m so original [and sharp and witty]!

AC: Yes. Bad boy. :-D Though watch it with acronyms that start with Laugh … I ain’t allowing nobody to pick that up from ya round here [see how ominous my bad grammar sounds].

I’ve read Chrysanthemum before. Very charming. Though that poem is very meaningful, will someone tell him that?

nunu's mum said...

Like Lizza, I'm confused as a dog with two d*cks!

Anyhoo, that's my contribution to prose & poetry.

Food hoover? U talking about me gurl???

nunu's mum again said...

PS. You say you cook H?

Any bloke who's still in full posession of their faculties that visit this blog should be proposing to this lay-dee....

You guys lis'nin?

Ya get mi?

H said...

Oooooh dear M, that is a DREADFUL amount of confusion. However, seeing as it has inspired a remarkable, sparkling gem of an analogy, I'd say it isn't such a bad thing. M, you poet you; the suffering you endure!

Now now, you haven't tried my cooking have you? I did say I cook. However I didn't quite qualify the cooking. Let's just say I'm not allowed to cook that often. Settle down girls and bwoys, 'twas a false alarm.

H said...

oh and, looking at you, I'd say you're definitely NOT a food hoover.

masquerader you!

Anonymous said...

I think Chrysanthemum would be scandalized to hear that. I'll tell him when I meet him next. :)

You're banning LMAO?!?


pRicky said...

well see i can put away enormous amounts of food and so i am over the league of a hoover...
U my lady h are as desirable as thy cooking is... :-D
umm and in the deaprtment of brainnumbing procreated parenthesis
of untangable and unadulterdated but yet coveted spot of the ultimate black hole... it would be an honour to share the space with u...
lets spit shake on that... the texan way...

H said...

AC: that's right. express it right here, on the WTF forum. ;-D

Pricky: Wah, let's, let's. [I'm mustering up all the spit I got, bwoy].

Prometheus said...

Yo Big H, Prometheus wuz just wondering if its still okay to call em BLACKholes. Meanin, shouldn't it be Holes of African Origin or sumpin PC?

H said...

Prom! HAAAAWWWW you racist bwoy you! HAW! I'm still shaking at the thought of how utterly bad you are!

But going by that logic all deserts and marshes should be of Asian origin.

And why on EARTH are you not blarghing? First your site keeps disappearing on me, and then you. Chhe bwoy! git your arse back on blog and entertain us [me being princess and all, please don't get offended by tone eh? this is for Jules]