Friday, March 16, 2007

To Jump or Not

Life can sometimes suck like a leech at the arse polyps of an emaciated vampire [serves him right, you’ll say now, cynically].

Three nights ago I found myself at exactly such a vacuous crossroad, drained of every bit of faith.

As I lay sobbing in my bed, contemplating the edge of my mattress with suicidal gloom, it occurred to me that I was the most tragic person I knew in the Whole Wide World. I decided right then that if God was my Witness, I would receive a message from Her directing me on the course of my impending life-altering decision, “just about any moment now…”

Resolving to act by Her Will, whatever It be with dignity and fortitude, I set about lying back in bed, ready to receive my Instruction reposed in sorrowful resplendence.


I hit my head against the headrest. Hard. It hurt.

I wavered.

Shall I:
1.) Shriek away the welling rage at this final indignity?
2.) Change gears from sob to wail mode?
3.) Shut up and contemplate the meaning of what had just happened.

Chronically given to irrational responses, I shut up. And, I thought.

A knock to the head.






[Contrarily (having pre-empted your objection) this is not poor grammar. It is in fact a blow by blow account of the thunderous drama, as it unfolded, in my head].

The Sibling was right, yet again.

[Sagacious Siblings, when they strike with sound judgement, can be such wet blankets at pity-parties, na?]

“Pull your head out of your arse H, and wipe the shit off your eyes. Your eyes. Eyes. Yes. Yes. Yes.”

As her words rippled through my brain, I firmed my resolution.

That night I did not jump off my bed. I chose to sleep instead.


Lizza said...

You had a self-pity party, and you didn't invite me? :-) Party pooper she may be, but Sagacious Sib was right.

I'm feeling this post. (Somehow your posts almost always get to me.)

Okay, going to go wash my own eyes now. And sleep later, not jump. Good thing I didn't have to knock my head against anything--you did it for me here. :-)

I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe
I was not offended
For I knew I had to rise above it all
Or drown in my own shit.

-from Maggot Brain, by Funkadelic

H said...

I like Maggot Brain. Very agreeably scatological like someone we know :-D But yes, grudgingly I acknowledge that the Sibling is always right. But you’re always invited Liz! On Shout, in head, to home. And to be just a leeeetttttle bit nauseously sentimental, in heart.

B Ditty said...

what was the matter H?

I feel like that sometimes too, but I watch Conan O'Brien and feel better. He has a great Schwarzeneggar impression. :)

houseband00 said...

Hey kid,

What's bothering you?

Please be visible from time to time.

B Ditty said...


we all love you

Prometheus said...

Prometheus suggests listening (okay, karaokeing) to that Dev Anand number: Har fikr ko dhuay mein udaata chala gaya.

And that 'Yo ho ho and a bottle of Stolichnaya' works too.

Smile, kiddo. And Her is probably gushing over Her latest Versace number to hear ya. So Prometheus will stand replacement. Ya wanna talk?

H said...

Ben: That's going to be my next purchase off ebay. first purchase I mean.
PS, Awww. thank you.

HBeee, but you're never visible these days yourself! All good bro. But you're right, it's been a very long time!

Prom: Such unfair allegations, just cos She's a Girl! H is suitably distracted now, brimful of indignance she is. :-)))) But Prom is very generous. And H has been karaokeing to Shakira's Hips [Don't Lie].

pRicky said...

good one by not jumping u have saved a lot of grief, you know?
strong lines those take head out of arse ones...
how was the morning after u decided not to jump?
on a lighter note u wont make thunk noise but dhum if u dropped...
felt obliged to get that in :-D
cheers up h...
we still have to shake our hands... and u arent jumping anywhere before that

derrin' do said...

if you like ze gnarls barkley and other deviations, click

H said...

Pricky: sweetie, but that definitely IS the sound of my head hitting the headrest. trust me, I heard it. very clearly through my cranial hollow. Couldn't help it.

Jumping off the bed is really a metaphor [albeit a sickly one] for choosing to brood instead of sleeping.

Oh and. If you must know, thoughts of that texan spit shake constitute the brighter moments in my day. [now, don't be judging me].

Derring Do: My, that is quite an impression you made on me. ;-)

go(ld)phish said...

well, there are times, when I've stared at the mattress so long, that I, to entertain myself, go and bump the head whereever I can. Is good fun. Sagacious Sibling, all of 18, sometimes also says "ouch!" and giggles, and turns over and sleeps.

my doggie, lifts his head from benath the sheets, and frowns.

That, exactly, is life :)

Prometheus said...

This might cheer you up. Wot?

Anonymous said...


Which is a very twisted way perhaps of saying [technically asking], why so sad little girl?

Hehehe... Profound post and all. We ought to chat sometime.

pRicky said...

well i knew spit had a way of getting people to see brighter side of things... now its been proved...
you know lousy times are incredulous... hysteric laugh helps more than brooding...
Hollow??? your head??? Madam H you couldnt be far far much more further from right than this...
Judge u??? ;-D its too much fun conspiring with u...

H said...

Goldphish: yes. I know. Such fun, in large doses can get heady in that coke-ish way. But how would I know, I’m a good girl. Next time, perhaps our much discussed, much planned, much never-happened ‘date’ will be a success if we head bang together. Hmm?

Prom: You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m not cheered, I’m bloody threatening to parachute down buildings with the thinking blogger banner on my head. Damn! I’m a star. Finally. [My speech has been fraying its corners away in my pocket for too long now.]

AC: Yes we must! You have no idea how much gyaan I have to share. There’s plenty more where this came from.

Pricky: let’s let’s! A conspiracy! Oh boy! She’s smiling down on me! First thunky blogger, and now a chance to play Modesty Blaise in a black raincoat! Awwww, you guys!
[what’s with the bloody exclamation marks H?]