Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Lexicon of …

There’s this little game we played the other day. Right & Left-Brain-of-H. We were in office. There was a pile of work gathering mass in that perennially unquantifiable state of to-be-done [Hell, I’m almost certain is just the sort of desk at which to-be-done can never, never get done]. Understandably, we were devastatingly bored. Make that: plain devastated. And so we thought of things that were worse that the work piling up on my desk. Things that were worse that the number 4. Things that make us both agree.

And since we’re both in that pale-faced, red rimmed, glassy eyed, moronic, blood-circulation-less, unrelenting stage of blog-addiction, this is what we couldn’t think beyond…

A lexicon. Of…

The most abused words on blog:



Random Rant

Random Ranting

Ranting randomly

By now, you’ve got the drift, no doubt, of how many types of non-sequential ways there are to launch tirades on weblog.

The daftest word on blog:


Presumably F*** [don’t ask me why I’m being so farkin’ moral, suddenly] & Ugly. Now why would you do that to two perfectly stand-alone-potent offensive words? Why would you make them sound so nothing-ish? And more importantly, what do you reckon it means anymore? I certainly haven’t a clue. Not unless, of course, you tell me that I’m a fugly bitch. Because then I am SO going to take offence, and, I’ll have you know that I’m NOT a bitch, ok? [Well okay, maybe sometimes, often, I am.]

The most S&M acronym on blog:

As is evident, there really isn’t much [more] to be said about this, than’s already been said.

But after mustering up this scant list, which amounts to nothing much if you’re cynical, we realised nothing had really changed for us.

It hadn’t made us feel anymore equipped to approach a certain terrifying pile of fast rising work that was threatening to snow down in Machu Picchu if it wasn’t addressed soon.

And, it certainly didn’t make us a better brain [than we already are].

So, the moral of this post is, don’t go bitching out non-[con]sequential linguistic preferences on weblog to feel better about yourself.

Apart from being an extremely, deplorably perverse form of self-gratification, it is futile.

Not because it doesn’t work, but because you’ll still have a pile of to-be-done at the end of it, however sharp, witty, sparkling you think you are. Make that: you are. 


houseband00 said...

What a fugly random rant! LOL!


pricky said...

What would you say to a Birant??
Oh man!!!
Bloody phenomenal perversion

Witness Street said...

Isn't "blog" the most common word on the "blogosphere"? Am I alone in the refusal to consider this a real word? OMG. SMH. (That's 'shaking my head'.)

Thanks very much for a divinely cool -and I mean utterly, divinely cool- post.

B Ditty said...

Oh man, now I'm afraid I've said random and rant too much :(

H said...

HB: HAaahahahaha. creep.

Pricky, what's a birant? new word? do enlighten.

Migs, you've just succeeded in making me feel like I've created literary heritage for posterity. It is my turn to Thank You, for not mentioning these terrible words in your response. ;-)
And about the word blog, yes, but you see there's this little matter of 'it' being a word that even I use. And as you know, among other things, I am not beneath being a hypocrite.

Ben, awww. But you know that I wouldn't mind, even if you stood at a podium with an Uncle Sam hat and sung it out like an Anthem every morning. I am that fond of Old Spice.

B Ditty said...

yay! :)

Lizza said...

Well, it's your piece of cyber real estate and you can go bitching about whatever you want to bitch about. I love reading your posts, whether they're bitchy or poignant or just plain out funny.

*note to self: Add rant and all its derivatives to the words H doesn't like.*

H said...

Oh no no no. please don't do any such thing, considering most of what I write is most legitimately definable as 'rant-y'.

but thank you for the always-precious words of encouragement.