Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Year of the Pig

Right-brain-of-H [clearing throat]: “So.”

Left-brain-of-H: “Huh? Said something idiot?”

Right-brain-of-H: “So. It’s the Chinese New Year. 9th Feb to 25th Feb.”

Left-brain-of-H: “So?”

Right-brain-of-H: “Year of the Pig”.

Left-brain-of-H: “SO?”

Right-brain-of-H: “Nothing. Just reminding you”

Left-brain-of-H [sharply]: “Why?”

Right-brain-of-H: “Nothing, really, it’s just that it’s the Chinese New Year…”

Left-brain-of-H: “Yes. I got that bit. Go ON [say it, I dare you. Say it…]”

Right-brain-of-H [smirking]: “And… ummm… As you’re [no doubt] aware this is when people from this part of the world take leave in that part of the world and come home, back to this part of the world…“

Left-brain-of-H: “So? SO what? Haanh? So farkin’ what?”

Right-brain-of-H: “Nope. Nothing. Just thought you’d be interested… And maybe… you know…”.

Left-brain-of-H [viciously]: “Maybe what?? HANH? You pile of shit! Why do you exist? You’re such colossal waste, aren’t you? Face it. You have no sense of shame, or dignity, do you?”

Right-brain-of-H [coolly]: “Many pertinent questions princess. Ha. Joined as we are, at the hip and all, maybe you’d know?”

Left-brain-of-H [sputtering]: “Shut up. Shut UP. SHUT UP SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP…”

Colleague: “H? you ok? Why’re you grinding your teeth?”

H: “Huh? No no nothing. I’m fine. By the way, it’s the Chinese New Year, 9th to 25th Feb. Year of the Pig. I’d almost forgotten.”

Colleague: “Okkkay… [?] [Respectful pause] Ummm, listen, about the script…”

17 comments:

houseband00 said...

Hey H!

Year of the monsterhead's more like it, eh?

=)

Arcane Crapper said...

Ooooh. Someone's coming back. (I was, at first, tempted to say - WTF?!?, but suddenly something made sense.)

And yeah, what with the pig?

B Ditty said...

I thought it was the year of the golden pig, and everyone was having sex to celebrate!

Lizza said...

Oink oink oink.

A big, fat raspberry to right-of-brain. (And a hug too).

Kung hei fat choy!

pinay in godawful barnsley said...

I love u H.

Both of u.

Yeah, Kung hei fat choy!
oinkrr oinkrr!!

Bring 'em pork shiumais (dimsum) out!!!

H said...

HB: Damn right you are bro! :-D Kung Hei Fat Choy to you and D.

AC: hmmm. We don’t know, we can’t say. It’s an assumption. A pointless, mind-corroding one at that. Haaah. But, Bwoy, I’m rather pleased to learn of the WTF-control-drill. You make me proud.
AND, yeah, I was hoping no one would notice… this whole pig thing. What is it with pigs and I, hanh?!

Ben: you’re the second person telling me this… sex orgies, and popping babies in the year of the pig. Makes me jealous. Makes me want to post my microbicide post all over the south east, in bold mandarin script.

Lizza: thankeeyoo. But the left’s the one coping y’know – my voice of reason. The right’s a brat. [I shouldn’t be saying this… after all they’re both mine… like I said, who needs kids with a brain like this] Kung Hei Fat Choy to you too my darling sis!

My dear dear Pinay in Barnsley, love ya too! Both of us do. :-D Kung Hei Fat Choy to you and BB & Nunu and Ivan. Post me some delicious food you’ll no doubt be whipping up! My dragon fangs are dripping with anticipation.

Arcane Crapper said...

Y'know, I once got an e-mail which stated that a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

***Evil Grin***

Now now...

nunu's mum said...

H darling,

I can't find a link to your email sweetie. Please, I need you to email me the NAME/URL of this Brit lit guy. I think I know who but I need your confirmation.

Put me outta my misery.

Please, it's Chinese New Year.

You, got me into this.

B Ditty said...

blog orgy!

H said...

AC: Ahhhh. now I get. The thing about me and pigs. Thanks! yet again, i find myself saying: what would I do without you AC????!!!

NM: Umm. hmmm. hmmm. Since you're asking for information tantamount to a state secret... I believe it isn't amiss of me to demand my price.

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.

ooooh! I love this. By the way, I knocked Brit lit dreamboat off my list. I decided that I'm WAAAAAAAY too arrogant to go hankering after blog-prose. Write a book and I'll buy it off the rack is all I can promise.

But, sure. I'll email you... my email add is bigetch@gmail.com

B DItty: yeah. sounds... dirty. na? grin. All to be saved up for Blog island.

n.g. said...

bad bad bad bad bad bad

H said...

NG: riiiiiiight… one righteous *doll* you are, dahling.

Arcane Crapper said...

Without Sri Sri Arcane Crapper, you'd still be thinking that you are a bird.

pRicky said...

yeah well all the bloody chinese are going home...
and during the term that too...
cut the cut teh corpus collousum... yit would do your teeth a lot of good...

H said...

AC: :-) hmmm.

Pricky: I’ll just assume you misspelled ‘brethren’ there. :-) By mistake, of course. And Chinese New Year’s like Diwali or Eid or Oonam or Christmas etc. for us Bloody Indians… oops, I mean our Indian brethren, world over, na?

Non-Sensei said...

yes, blog orgy is in order.
we must honour and respect the pig... by being.
move over, imitation. BEING is the new best form of flattery.
as in like that one about John Malkovich.
(forgive, pliss. the neurons are acting up. again.)

H said...

That NS, is a very good idea. Suitably psychotic. In the words of Lizza [& M]: oink oink oink. [translate: “cheers to that.”]