Sunday, October 22, 2006

Where have all the flowers gone? [hint: to hell]

Okay. All right.

I have something to tell you.

About winter in Delhi.

A time when beautiful birds migrate to the equator and spring is buried under the dreariness of cold days and long nights.

[Waitaminute! We ARE at the equator and we don’t even farkin’ have spring in these parts… lying bastard poets.]

Right.

Let’s start again.

Winter in Delhi. Detestable dastardly season [dumb damned non-alliteration].


A time when clichés abound and alliterations run amuck. Evidently.

So here’s cutting straight to the point:


I am poikilothermic.

And.

I’m feeling particularly torturous, so I will let you take in this word, marvel at it, marvel at my vocabulary, and then perhaps just a few unnecessary words more… and yes, okay, I’ll let you in on what it means.

[You’re welcome]

Reptile blooded.

Poikilothermic. That’s what it means.

Yes yes. Go on; make those connections about loving lyrics on three-limbed-two-tailed lizards and such.

So. Getting back to the point of this post, to dwell somberly upon what happens when the temperature drops below 25 degrees:

1.) My extremities go stone cold [how’s that for a lousy-arsed cliché eh? Not bad.]
2.) My nose, as I know it ceases to exist. It becomes a cold, non-osmotic runny appendage connected painfully to my sinuses.
3.) I eat too much and become fat.
4.) My car won’t start.
5.) I have to wear at least seven layers to keep me minimally warm; which makes my back ache and restricts movement.
6.) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 have a dire effect on my overall sense of well being, which in turn adversely affects the fine balance of humours in my body.

Q.E.D.

I have every reason to be a crotchety bastard/ bitch/ blossoming farkin’ chilblain.

Oh. How I hate winter! [And that’s just too farting poetic for how I’m feeling right now.]

So, for all of you who’ve known me as a happy bright sunny creature, gamboling in the sun, making light of adversities, sharing joy, spreading love, picking posies ya da ya da… take note: sunny days on Shout are numbered.

Perhaps you can tell; it’s already getting nippy.

***

Oh and. I’m talking Celsius. 25 degrees Celsius.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a nifty time to cuddle up with someone in bed. hehe

Dear H, even if the cold makes your bark even worse than your bite, even if you snark and snarl because of it, I will not lose my admiration for your awesome vocabyooolary and the wit that is uniquely yours. In other words, I'll still be a fan.

So there.

Anonymous said...

Hey dragonhead,

I second Lizza's first suggestion.

Why don't we trade places for a while? I'd go anywhere for the nippies. That didn't sound right, didn't it? =)

B diddy said...

omg I just spent five minutes trying to remember how to convert celcius into fahrenheit. 25 degrees celcius, is like 77 degrees fahrenheit I think. doesn't seem that cold.

NanNan said...

Brrrr---- I feel a chill wind a blowing--Poikilothermic? at 25 farking degrees--- that's a bloody heatwave here-- nah, you're hypothermic!!! thank God I didn't send that "Happy Diwali" e card I thought was too corny --- just what you didn't need!! But you can't scare me off with your polar blustering--- I'm Canadian, eh? We come equipped with lots of insulation and central heat--- so I'm just gonna keep on loving you my friend, cuz we all know it's a warm heart that throbs with cold blood---- hoping all is well !!

NanNan said...

PS-- to HB: nippies ? huh ?

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Anonymous said...

You have officially been spammed! Ha!

To Nan - HAHA!

=)

H said...

Awww. Lizza. You sweet sassy saucy girl [the alliteration just grows, most pleasantly].
Cuddling. Hmmm. Naaaaaaah. I’m one of those that battles with sheets and blankets. And people. Damn. If only I was a fire-breathing dragon, the snarking and snarling would be worth it. sigh.

HB… you are MOST welcome to. I mean, how unfair is unfair really?! 7107 islands is just not fair when all you want to do is run away to a ‘nippy’ place. NOT fair. This place is all yours. Just leave me one single tiny little island when you leave. Okay?

Nanstah! Canadian DNA has a particular structural compound that comes premixed with titanium and ethanol that makes all you Canadians mutant hybrid winter creatures. Something that no other government has managed to accomplish yet. Which is why the US of A has diverted world attention to nuclear bombs… They can’t bear that the Canadians have one up on them. So I thank you for all the love Nanstah. Diwali e-card! Thank you. never too corny for me. Nevah.

B Diddy. I’m wounded. Trust me. It’s a lot for this lizardly dragon head. And, somehow 25 degrees sounds more dignified and cold. Please please post some more hafrank sotires to keep your friend in good humour through winter.

n.g. said...

putting on weight is a good thing, ive heard their extending the damn metro right from the airport to noida.

B diddy said...

awe I so will H! I'm thinking of one where Hafrank gets kidnapped.

H said...

That NG boy is remarkable, but true. I’m impressed with your GK. And somehow, why does my nervous twitch always act up when you mention the metro?

Ben! Much excitement. Yay yay yay! Grin. You’re a rockstar.

lovesjazzlovescoffee said...

Awesome writing...I love the cold so we'd never survive together....love your expressions...as always!!!

H said...

thnaks LJLC, you're an absolute sweetie. And you do know that!

perhaps we can meet in spring somewhere sometime.

Non-Sensei said...

'poikilothermic' brought back some wonderful memories of an education never used the way it was meant to be. :-)
btw, doesn't cold-blooded mean (broadly)the body temperature changes to suit the outside temperature? In other words, 'cold-blooded' creatures don't feel 'cold'. It's us homeotherms that do...
nice writing, though. :-)

H said...

Yikes. Non-sensei. I was hoping, truly hoping no one would delve really deeply into the way that I use poikilothermic so incorrectly [and indulgently]. Ha ha. got caught out. You're right. :-P

But tell me... why don't you have your profile link activated?

First City said...

H,
The flipside here: http://firstcitydelhi.blogspot.com/2006/10/delhi-duvet-love-story.html
Would prompt you to check it out. :)