Thursday, November 27, 2008

Heart of despair

A new moon has begun to wax today. 0% of Full.

Spattered already with the spray that rose up in surprise at CST, Cama Hospital, Nariman House, The Taj, The Trident [Which NDTV took a moment amid mayhem to explain was once Oberoi, but now Trident] interrupted by stray bullets tearing through skin and life. Painted in the helpless horror of shrapnel and anger smashing through the heart of a scarred city.

And I might as well write for a tabloid. Soak in the horror of death and pain and terror [which, even as I write this, I thank God a million times, hasn’t affected me – this mix of love for people and places and thoughts and moments, once defined by Bombay] and squeeze it here, in the hope that some of my sentimental dribble – this saved up trickle of indignation and unease and helpless rage will somehow infect you. Desert my gut and inhabit this stealthy corner, so that your incidental acknowledgement of it might absolve me of any residual guilt I feel for being unaffected. Because this time, it threatens not to dissipate by the next tea-break.

11 comments:

Ben Ditty said...

I share this "heart of despair" dear H'y. When I read the news again and again the scars of worry and doubt reopen.

Perhaps all dissipating on the next tea break will depend entirely upon what's in the tea.

But a new moon could bring a fresh slate. The last cycle built towards woe, but this could build towards hope.

H said...

I know you do Ben, and there is such a shelter in it… I do so hope you are right. Honestly and sincerely… even though it seems a distant thought. For one I think, Indians mustn’t make the mistake of creating a senseless backlash against a mythicised notion of ‘the enemy’. The follies of individuals and other currently incomprehensible vested interests cannot and should not be borne by anyone incidental to this situation… we must allow the law to take its course. God knows what Bombay is going through right now is bad enough for each and every person watching this horrific situation unfold.

Prude said...

Hugs...

lost said...

i know, these are real horrible times

H said...

Prude & Lost … what shall we do with our leadership?

lost said...

May b shud have send their 70 something old selves[minus any security] 2 the insides of Taj before NSG arrived

Prude said...

That's a very important question H. I have been candidly discussing the inadequate training and equipment provided to the police and armed forces. But haven't quite been able to come up with an answer to our political leader's apathy. There are so many things we could say...but I don't think the answer lies in changing the government as it would have been the same if BJP was in power, or in ministers resigning. I think it lies in our psyche as a people. Our ministers reflect who we are and somehow there needs to be this change in attitude towards ourselves, towards how much self respect we have not pride but self respect and whether we (including the ministers) truly believe in 'We' as a collective. There seems to be a massive gap between their sense of responsibility to the people of India (which is their duty) and their desire to simply hold the chair in petty politics.

Am a little torn, highly disappointed and yes in despair. And I don't quite see an easy solution to the problem because it isn't a simple problem of how to deal with terrorists but how to change our way of thinking and a social revolution takes generations to happen...

What are your thoughts?

Non-Sensei said...

Oh look, we said the same thing (more or less), about the same thing, on the same day.
You said it better, of course.

I wonder if today, a week later, the collective consciousness has moved on yet. Has it, do you think?

H said...

Prude... I'm with you on everything you've said.

"how to change our way of thinking and a social revolution takes generations to happen" - sums it up, really.

When I said leadership I meant leadership of the opposition as well.

Listen, I've tried opening your blog page several times over the last few days... it refuses to load. Have you checked it?

NS, I don't think so. Not this time. It's in the air. Perhaps it's also because of the elections, but it's still hanging thickly like the stench of rot.

Something about the way it's exposed the decay I think...

Will just go over and see what you've said.

Ben Ditty said...

We miss your posts h'y :(

Prude said...

Hey H, try opening it now...there were problems on IE. If you can, open it on firefox. :-)